The In-between: Conflict Wisdom
Tuesdays, 12:00 - 1:15 pm PST
This series might look a little odd, nestled in amongst a bunch of movement classes.
But it most emphatically belongs here.
Why?
Because... what is the point of finding how you want to more deeply inhabit your body, and more pleasingly move through space, unless at least part of what you accomplish is to connect with others?
And if you are able to love on your physical habits and thus refine them to more wonderfully serve you, don't you also want to refine your societal and emotional habits, so that love, conflict, nourishment and connection are all more truly aligned with your own goals, power and possibilities?
Here you can. Invite connection. Be in choice.
Think of your conflict patterns as your teachers in sociality, just as your sore hip might be your teacher in movement.
To support you, Carie’s deep knowledge of mediation, interoception and decision science combine with her total commitment to who you want to become. Find a place of safety and celebration in this excellently facilitated discussion. Discover how your inner teacher calls you to reach for your deepest, most connected self. That compassionate awareness that helped you with your physical habits? Apply it to your conflict habits.
This is a conversational class, offering classic communication and decision-making perspectives—and some out-of-the-ordinary perspectives as well—to support you in the changes you choose.
What to expect
These are examples of topics we might address within this series, but usually the agenda will be dictated by what people bring to the table, and may take us to many far-ranging, unexpected and fruitful territories.
1. Casting a Compassionate Gaze on Conflict Habits
Some of the most rewarding work Carie has done as a mediator is to work with people who have come to recognize a pattern in their conflicts, and who want to be in choice rather than react again in the same old way. The first rule with habits is to love on them, otherwise they just dig in deeper. And it makes sense to love on them! Habits came along to protect you; they did the best they could at the time. And you might still need them--you should keep them for an emergency. Understanding and appreciation of habits are the secret, paradoxical sauce to convincing habits that sometimes they can share the space with other options.
2. Understanding What Your Interests Are So You Can Get full Satisfaction
The fulcrum of conflict is shifting from what you see as the solution to the problem—your position—to understanding why you think that will satisfy you—your interest. Your position might be 'I want them to get rid of their dog.' Your interest might be 'I want quiet at night.' Positions usually have one solution. Interests often have many. But here's what I discovered thirty years ago as a fledgling mediator: people don't walk into conflict knowing their own interests. Maybe it really is about quiet, but getting an apology matters just as much. Or maybe you're actually worried about the poor dog. If you're fighting for only one piece of what you need and you win, you still aren’t satisfied. Learning to get clear about what you REALLY want? That's gold, in conflict and everywhere else. Note: becoming clear about what you really want is a wonderful life skill, even outside of conflict.